Fr Norbert Koima SVD ~ Papua New Guinea
“I found a God who gives direction”
Fr Norbert Koima is a Divine Word Missionary (SVD) from Papua New Guinea and a participant of the East Asian Pastoral Institute’s (EAPI) Sabbatical Renewal Experience program. A priest for 10 years now, he is a testament that God does not call the equipped, but equips the called. His story shows the transforming power of God’s loving mercy.
When my provincial asked me to go to EAPI to attend a course, I had my doubts. I didn’t know anything about EAPI except that a confrere who had anger management issues had taken courses there for a year. When he came back, he was changed. He encouraged me to go and I thought maybe that was a good idea.
I have to admit that I have my own issues too. I’ve had to deal with a lot of difficulties in the past that I still carry with me. In 2012, after four years of being missioned in the Philippines to be with the Mangyan communities in Mindoro, I returned home to Papua New Guinea (PNG) for a holiday. I spent time with my parents who were fast getting old and needed someone to help them take care of our land. Would it be okay to say, “Lord, bless them. I am going to my mission”? I felt that wouldn’t be right, so with the approval of my provincial in the Philippines, I decided to stay and help my parents. The PNG Province did not, at first, accept me because I was supposed to be there only for a holiday. While helping my parents, I stayed in the parish where I did my regency and pastoral work as a deacon.
The three years I spent in the parish were very difficult times in my life and in my priesthood. I got drunk with friends. I was exclusive in my associations that people started to complain, “Father is not really there for all of us.” Worst of all, my parishioners accused me of misusing church funds. My spiritual life was dead and my priesthood was destroyed.
I guess I was not really prepared. I received my ordination as a ritual and had not fully embraced my vocation. I wrote to Rome requesting to be integrated back to the PNG Province and they accepted me back last year. I stayed in the provincial house where I was assigned to work as gardener and handyman. On Sundays, I would go to Mass and assist the chaplain in the university. I really enjoyed my time in the provincial house and the space given to me to look back and see myself and the direction I was taking in my priesthood.
My concept of God is shaped around my father. I saw my father as someone who was obligated to fulfil all of my demands. It was my role to demand and my father’s duty to listen and provide. Naturally, when I was led to God, I saw God the same way I saw my father – as a provider. But my experience in EAPI changed that completely. I experienced a God who does not merely provide, but a Father who gives directions.
In one prayer experience, I saw myself in a doorway approaching God. On my right was a room and inside was the crucified Christ – full of blood. I looked at him but kept going. I was so excited to go to God, my Father. But the Lord said, “Stop, go there” pointing to the room. I did not want to go inside; the bloody cross of Christ terrified me. Then the picture changed and I was brought home. I saw a nice garden and a very clear spring. There was a small house and a lady inside with a child. The child was asleep when a man came in and nudged him. The child awoke and embraced the man. It was then that my tears flowed. I saw myself bathed in blood embracing Christ crucified. Something that I had not wanted to do, I found myself embracing. Then Jesus gave me my clerical vestments. I received the gift of a real ordination and it made me weep. It was the day before I celebrated my 10th anniversary as a priest. I felt the dignity of my priesthood restored. I heard Jesus telling me, “Embrace your priesthood. Love it and serve”.
As I return to my old environment, there is every possibility that I will slide back into my old ways. But being conscious of my painful experience and having gone through a spiritual, physical and intellectual transformation in EAPI, I am filled with a sense of service. My authority as a priest is only as good as my obligation to serve and my openness to engage laypeople in the mission. I am going back with a better understanding of servanthood, of my mission in the priesthood and the importance of self-care.
How can I share this food with the people? How can I make others feel the freshness of the spring? This is my challenge and my constant prayer. God, my Father, assures me: “Don’t ask; don’t demand. I will give you directions; all you need to do is follow”.